Playing to Win

Clare and I just returned from the 2009 International Conference on Emotional Intelligence in Toronto.  It was by far one of the best conferences I’ve attended in my career, with a lineup of speakers who really knew their stuff.  My main goal was to learn as much as I could from other practitioners about why companies should spend cash on developing emotional intelligence in their people.  It seems obvious to me that having competent, engaged employees would make a significant difference in the bottom-line business results of an organization, but I was looking for evidence, i.e. numbers, that proves our philosophy correct.  I’ve written an article about the economic value of emotional intelligence development–what we’re calling “EQnomics”, so look for it this week in our PeopleSmarts EQzine.

One concept I heard in a workshop really grabbed my attention.  Bob Anderson, a partner in Leading Challenges, LLC, pointed out: “You have two kinds of clients.  There are those who are playing to win, and those who are playing to not lose.”

He described the “playing to win” people as those who approach their goals with passion, commitment, and positive emotion.  Because their central drive comes from a place of enthusiasm and energy, they are more focused on the goal and are able to activate the systems necessary to produce their desired results. When they hit their targets, they feel a sense of accomplishment and capability.

People who are playing to not lose operate in defensive mode; they view their lives more often from a place of fear and anxiety.  “Not-losers” do their best to keep things from happening:  They keep the wolves away from the door, they keep the monkeys off their backs, they keep their finger in the dam.  These people stay safe in every way they can, in order to prevent loss. When they reach their goals, they feel a sense of relief.

Since last week, I have thought often about this idea, and how easy it is to operate in the Not-Lose mode.  The challenges in today’s economy have put a lot of people in the not-lose way of thinking, just trying to preserve whatever savings, investments, or jobs they have.  Not-Losers minimize risks, seeing the world as adversarial, something with which they need to cope and/or survive.

But staying in Not-Lose thinking forces us to react to the circumstances and the conditions of our lives, rather than creating the experiences we want by being in our own driver’s seat.  Not-lose thinkers walk through life wearing a metaphorical catcher’s mitt:  whatever is thrown their way, they deal with it.

Play-to-Win people look for opportunities, harness resources, and strategically influence others to help them win their game.  They attract other people with their positive energy and passion; they take calculated risks with confidence and authority.  People follow them.

And yes, they sometimes lose.

But each loss, each failure brings with it learning, wisdom, and growth, and the Play-to-Win people bounce back to their feet to try another angle.

Where in your life or in your business are you playing to not lose?  What would it take for you to turn it around?

Game on.

Merrilee Buchanan, CEO PeopleSmarts